Tuesday, December 27 |
 How Old Do You Feel?  

Someone told me once that you are as old as you feel, which I took to mean physically. I figured being as healthy as I was, I had many years ahead of me to feel young.

Generally speaking, despite  trials, mishaps, or rebellions, I felt young, physically, mentally and emotionally.  Looking younger than my age, and acting younger than my age certainly helped me to feel younger than my age.

Recently, however, I came to a sad realization. You are as old as you feel, but how you feel is very often  manipulated by those closest to you. When all is right with those in our inner circle(s), we are at our happiest and most content. But when there is physical or emotional pain, anger, fear, resentment, or unforgiveness, your life is changed.

King David talks about this in the book of Psalms. He describes his soul as being a desert, and having bones that are dried up. He talks about being bent over with the weight of sorrow. David, I'm sure, felt old beyond his years, even as a young man. As king, he was assaulted with the fall-out of the actions of others: incest, rape, the death of three of his children, betrayal by friends, and fear of loosing his own life.

I have begun to feel my age. That doesn't mean I feel old, it just means I don't feel ten years younger anymore. This was something that came on suddenly, within a few months. It's not something physical, but something mental and emotional, brought on by others. Ghosts from the past, the guilt associated with my own bad decisions, and the knowledge I have of the lives of those closest to me make me no longer feel young and carefree. My heart grieves for those I love. I watch in helplessness as they struggle to live, to love and be loved, to be happy. At times I become bogged down mentally and emotionally with pain, fears and frustrations.

God has blessed me with some special people who make me laugh and lift my spirit. They are an encouragement to me. But like David, I sometimes feel the weight of many sorrows on my back. And also like David, when I am overwhelmed by them, I cry out to God and leave those sorrows in His hand.

I may feel as though I've lost a few years, but God is in control. This gives me peace, and in peace there is contentment, and in contentment there is joy.

Fight the good fight,


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